Czech Nut, Not a Brazil Nut.

Wow! How things can change in one month. Not even a month but almost.

I'm officially going to the Czech Republic to go to school to get my TEFL diploma so that I can teach english abroad. My step sister called me yesterday and told me that she received my tickets in the mail. I've paid but a minimal amount of my tuition and I am afraid that I wont have it all by the time I leave. I am trying to be fuggal but it is so hard when I use to living carefree. I'm worried about a plethora of things, but now that I have a goal, I think I am doing better mentally.

Nutz....That Simple Word is Not Enough to Encompass How I Feel...

Let's get it out in the open that I am pretty reserved with my feelings and for me to put this out into space is going to kill me. But I need and outlet bigger then what I've used already.

I had someone tell me they loved me today.

That person has known me for 1 week. Count that. One, Uno, Ena, won, 1!!!!!!

It's not possible...psycho babble bullshit is what it is. How is it even possible that I got hooked up with such a psycho? I am too forgiving of people. I let this person in when I knew there were, ARE, things that I do not like about this person....I let it happen. I know I am talking like some kind of rape victim but that was what it was like. I was raped of my inablity to stop such a fucked up thing happen.

I am such an emotional vaccuum. I can sense all sorts of stuff (emotions) and they in turn effect my mood. So, someone else already has an influence over me. Whether they know it or not. They can sap my emotions right out of me and replace them with whatever they like.

So, in reality his 'quote unquote' love' for me was replacing my initional emotions towards the situation....

Or I could be just as psycho and this is all some kind of justification...

I highly doubt it though.